It’s a question many individuals find themselves asking. What do I do now that I’m no longer serving as a pastor?

First, let me take the liberty to say that it’s ok that you’re no longer a pastor. The world will continue to turn. People will still attend churches all throughout the world. And the Dodgers will continue to lose, year after year.

Before we get too involved with our “what now” conundrum, I think it’s more important to ask ourselves one direct question that might actually be a catalyst in finding that answer: In what do you find your identity?

Pastors and leaders, myself included, often become so entrenched with our ministry identity that we associate ministry with identity. Ministry is not our identity.

A friend of mine, Karl, who wrote What I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Ministry, gives a great example of what ministry is and what identity should be.

“Life is ministry,” he wrote. We are called to seek and reach the lost, those who haven’t yet called upon Jesus as their Savior. As Christians, this is our calling, our ministry, our life. So, life is just that: ministry.

But our identity, well that’s a different song altogether. As we can learn from Karl’s life, identity is found not in ministry but in a solid relationship with Jesus Christ.

Elementary, you’d tell me. And I agree. However, if this were such an easy answer to such an important question, why does it always seem to get lost in the mix of the often emotional wreck we call “life?”

Karl wrote, “I was right where God wanted me and my family – to remain in the area, shift my thinking to reinvent myself, and look for life investment in a new career. What that looked like, I had no idea. What that would feel like, I had no clue. How that would come about, I had no plan. But there was one thing I knew for sure, God had the plan and He would unfold it how He wanted to.”

It’s evident that my friend Karl didn’t find his identity in being a pastor, even though he served faithfully for more than 21 years. He learned that devoting his life to ministry and finding his identity in Jesus were two separate, yet equally important, things. Now, Karl’s new ministry can be found in the office of a social services firm, in which he serves as Chief Operations Officer. But Karl is not an executive. He is not a boss. That is what he does but that’s not who he is. He is just a normal guy, an ex-pastor, doing his best to find his identity in Jesus Christ.

‘Tis the song of any leader struggling with deep issues within the church.

Since the creation of this website, I’ve seen a handful of my expastor friends re-enter the ministry in some form or fashion. In fact, just a few months after I launched the site, an opportunity came up for me, personally, to re-engage in full-time ministry once again.

And I decided to take the offer.

I don’t think my decision to re-enter the paid ministry world is all too uncommon. Many individuals reach this website because of their distinct web engine searches, such as:

Jobs for expastors
and
Getting back into full-time ministry.

So, after talking with several friends who’ve left full-time ministry and meeting new friends, who have as well left paid ministry, it doesn’t surprise me to see an internal disturbance growing in the hearts of many expastors and ex-leaders who are searching for something more. To, again, be engaged in active full-time ministry, all while paying their bills.

I felt the same way. I was longing for something more.

To those of us who felt called into leadership positions within the church and, now that we’re no longer functioning in that role, perhaps we feel lost or like we’re missing a part of our spiritual structure. We’ve spent countless nights going over the good and the bad we experienced during our times as pastors and leaders and then we spent more time searching for new ministry positions and other opportunities to dive in once again. Sometimes, not entirely sure if the pool we’re diving into is full of water or if it’s completely dry.

And, so, the search results prove my case that there is a longing in our hearts. Perhaps it’s that we feel that we are not living up to our potential as individuals, that we’ve failed, or that we’ve somehow let God down. Whatever the case, we long to once again, dive in.

If you find yourself in this category, I would suggest asking yourself these things:

1. Am I ready?

You may have experienced deep wounds from a recent ministry position that has left you hurt, bitter, angry, or jaded. Be true to yourself when asking tough questions.

How have I (or have I) recovered from the hurt?
What steps have I taken to start the restoration process?
Am I emotionally ready to jump back in, risking the possibility of getting hurt again?

There is a reason behind every decision for those who have left the ministry or were asked to leave. It’s important to evaluate where you are at, and where you’ve been, before diving forward in ministry again.

2. Is my family ready?

When I decided to step down from my full-time ministry position, it didn’t just impact my life but it equally impacted the lives of my family, my wife and our small child. It was difficult for us but in the long run it was exactly what we needed. It took us a while to recover from the hurt we experienced. After asking yourself some tough questions and working through the honest answers, start communicating with your family, your spouse, and your kids.

Where are they at emotionally?
Are they ready to see you potentially go through hurt again?
Do they even want to get back into a ministry lifestyle?

Allow God to communicate to you through your family. After all, they are your first ministry.

3. Is the church ready for me?

There are new people being added to the church every day. New faces, people who know nothing about church culture and “how things are supposed to be done.” They don’t need our problems and our issues and the hurt that we’ve experienced. They don’t need our cynicism. They just need Jesus. Ask yourself:

Am I ready to set all other things aside?
Am I ready to simply preach Jesus?

Lastly, and most important …

4. Is this what God has for me?

I know we all have an opinion on this but I’ll share what I’ve come to know to be true for me.

I think, if we really fine-tuned it, we could say that God probably doesn’t care whether or not you’re a pastor or in full-time ministry. He doesn’t care if you’re a janitor or if you are a pharmacy technician either. As we read from Romans, He’s concerned about you first:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God — this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.

First, you.
Then your family.
Then the church.
And if you truly feel that full-time ministry is where you fit best, then maybe that’s the direction God has for you.

But, first, you have a lot of questions to answer.

I’d like to make a few more suggestions that I hope will be a help to every young preacher that reads this post:

• Don’t be in a hurry to find a church to pastor. A lot of churches that are looking for pastors don’t deserve a pastor. They have chewed up and spit out the last five preachers before you and, trust me, they will do the same to you. Let them die.
• If a community already has X number of churches, don’t delude yourself with thinking that if you started a new, exciting church that it would be different than all the rest. It won’t. People are people and churches are pretty much all the same. Don’t flatter yourself.
• Focus on people that need help. Focus on the least of these. By all means offer them Jesus but do not neglect their physical needs. The greatest difference you can make in a person’s life it to help them when they are in the gutter and help them rise out of poverty. Above all, be their friend.
• Visit regularly in the homes of the people you pastor. Get to know them. Allow them to be honest with you and ask you whatever question they want. Eat their food, take them out to eat and pay the bill. Don’t smother them but don’t neglect them either.
• Don’t get sucked into buildings and programs that the church does not need. Rather than building a fancy new building, complete with gymnasium, think about maximizing what you have so more money can be given to the poor. If church members want to play basketball or do Pilates, they can go to the gym.
• Do everything you can to integrate the youth into the church. They should be stakeholders. After all, they are the future of the church. This does not mean that you must become one of them. There is nothing more embarrassing than a pastor who tries to act like a teenager. Grow up and be a good example.
• Work hard and be honest. Don’t be the kind of preacher that gives all preachers a bad name. Just because you are the pastor of a church doesn’t mean you are entitled to special treatment. Don’t ask for discounts and don’t expect people to favor you just because you pastor X church on Main St.
• Don’t tell anyone you are a preacher. Don’t self-promote. Don’t insist people call you Reverend or pastor. Be an authentic human being, complete with faults and frailties. Don’t be afraid to admit to the church that you are a failure, that you are no better than anyone else.
• Don’t let people put you on a pedestal. Trust me, falls off the pedestal are nasty.
• Above all, understand that life is more, far more, than the ministry. Stop and take time to enjoy life, to enjoy the world you say your God created.

The advice I give here flows out of a lifetime in the Christian church and 25 years in the pastorate. I hope some young preacher might find what I have written above helpful.

For a time it may seem that they are succeeding in changing the church … but then the honeymoon period ends and the preacher realizes that being a pastor is not what they thought it would be. Sometimes this is so devastating to the young preacher that they leave the ministry. The number of one and done pastors is quite high. Being a pastor over a long period of time requires a preacher to lose their idealism and forces them to temper their fervor.

Why?

There are several things that every young preacher must understand about every church:

• People are people.
• There is a power base in every church.
• Problems in the church are rarely exposed to prospective pastors.
• Moderate, incremental change is difficult.
• Dramatic, instant change is almost always impossible (because people are people and the power base will resist any change that robs them of their power).

I’d like to make a few suggestions that I hope will be a help to every young preacher that reads this post:

• Don’t confuse your self-identity with the church. Far too many pastors allow themselves to be swallowed up by the church, losing their self-identity in the process.
• Don’t sacrifice your children or spouse for the sake of the church. Trust me, 25 years later, the church will have long since forgotten you and your sacrifice will mean little.
• Choose which battles are worth fighting. Not every hill is worth dying on and not every challenge to your authority of leadership is worthy of a fight. Remember, the church is not your church. You, along with people who likely have been there for many years, are simply caretakers of the church.
• Be willing to say, I don’t know. I realize this puts you at great risk of being unemployed (since church members crave certainty) but speaking with certainty when you know there is none is lying and dishonest.
• Be aware of the traps that can destroy your ministry, especially the big 2 – money and women. Never touch the money and never allow yourself to be put in a position where moral compromise is possible.
• Insist that the church pay you well. Do not be a full-time worker for part-time pay. It is OK to pastor churches that cannot pay you a living wage, but the church must understand that you have an obligation to your family and you must work a job outside the church to properly provide for them.
• Make sure there is an annual pay review procedure in place. You should not have to beg for a raise. Make sure you have an employment contract where the job requirements, pay level, benefits, pay review period, and termination procedure are clearly laid out. If a church is unwilling to put all of this in writing, what does that tell you?
• If at all possible, own your own home. Someday you will not be a pastor. Someday you will be old and retired. Then what? Where will you live? Churches can rent out the parsonage and provide you with a housing allowance. Remember, most of the church members are building equity in their home and you should be able to do the same.
• Insist that the church pay into a 401K that you own. Do not let anyone convince you to opt out of Social Security. It “sounds” OK now but when you are old you will regret it. What happens if you are disabled and have not paid into Social Security? You are out of luck.
• Make sure that all sacrifice is shared. Remember it is not your church and it is not you alone who is responsible for “saving” the church from whatever crisis it faces.
• Don’t use your wife and children as gophers and fill-ins every time something needs done at the church. Insist that church members take ownership of the church and do the work necessary to maintain the church and do what is necessary to keep the church functioning.

The advice I give here flows out of a lifetime in the Christian church and 25 years in the pastorate. I hope some young preacher might find what I have written above helpful. Check back tomorrow as we explore even more advice for young pastors.

The British had the most disciplined, best armed, and most feared military in the world. England’s victory over the French was almost certain, both on paper and in reality. But instead of the anticipated smooth triumph, the British army was devastate by both enemy and friendly fire. Colonel Washington had two horses shot out from under him, and his jacket and hat were penetrated several times by bullets as he darted back and forth along the firing line trying to rally his disheartened troops. Amazingly, Washington survived unscathed.

The surviving men in his militia marveled at his courage and valor, and people throughout the colony raved about the heroism of this young man, but Colonel Washington wasn’t impressed. He lost. He failed. He was devastated. Others spoke highly of his military actions, yet when Washington was asked to lead again he replied, “I wish…it were more in my power than it is to answer the favorable opinion my friends have conceived of my abilities. Let them not be deceived; I am unequal to the task…”

If you’ve been a pastor for any time at all, my gut tells me that you have felt the devastation of FAILURE.

You believed deeply in your church plant, your ministry, or the call on your life. You may even have had friends, like Washington, who stood by and observed your commitment and still encouraged you. However, if you’re like me, you may look back at them in disbelief and say, “I am unequal to the task….” FAILURE stings like a Muhammad Ali punch. It leaves you disillusioned and dismayed. It throws life’s gravity off kilter. It leaves your spiritual eyes searching for focus.

Washington did, in fact, lead again many times over during the American Revolution. It was his brutal defeat twenty years earlier as a Virginia Colonel that made him realize the limits and weaknesses of Great Britain’s military.

It was this man, this self-described “failure,” that led a small band of rebels toward one of the greatest revolutions in known history. Yes, twenty years later England was defeated, and this mere farmer became the first President of the United States.

I am not writing to promise you great titles like “General” or “President.” I am writing to tell you that as a pastor, expastor, visionary, or anyone experiencing an everyday “failure”: it is not over for you. Just like Washington, yesterday’s mistakes become today’s victories. It doesn’t matter if it leads to a massive revolution. What matters is that God will lead you out of crippling failure and into His plan for your life.

God had his plan for Washington; what’s His plan for you?

Pray. Repent. Discover.

For me it was a change in direction on the part of the fellowship in which I served. I’m sure there are a lot of expastors who are extremely devoted to God, His word and His commands no matter what. Most would profess they would do whatever it takes to prevent any deviation from His truth.

Sometimes, though, a fellowship might deviate from God’s word to such a degree that by default the person who stands on God’s word finds themselves in opposition to the rest of leadership simply because they are not willing to compromise God’s truth for anyone. To simply speak truth among a fellowship that is floundering in this manner will rub against the status quo and the witness will find themselves isolated in an insurmountable battle they will never win, being labeled difficult, divisive, and idealistic.

This can be a very discouraging and confusing process. We have a faith that calls us to believe in the body and fellowship, to trust and encourage, to sharpen iron against iron, to give grace and to be transparent, and above all, to hold firmly, as Titus 1:9 says, “to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that we can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it”. We believe all these things could and should work towards the success of the church, its growth, health, and ultimately, the glory of God. We believe that if we hold to these truths God will prove Himself faithful and the church will once again set itself on a proper course.

Sometimes, not wanting to concede, we press on, escalating the battle to the point of quandary which eventually will beg the question for leadership, “What do we do with this guy?” Too often a decision is made where the defender of the faith suddenly finds themselves on the outside, an expastor, and the reasons given to the rest of fellowship for his, “moving on to other areas of ministry in the kingdom” are vague, sketchy and flowery at best.

In the end, the fellowship will agree “it’s too bad things didn’t work out”, and “we need to move on in spite of the loss.”

So, some of the reasons for becoming an expastor aren’t necessarily due to personal, economic, goals, or life changes, sometimes it’s the result of simple obedience by choosing to stand in the face of deception.

Unfortunately this particular scenario often goes unnoticed and seldom gets discussed due to the sanctity of maintaining an image of unity in the church. We can’t appear to have any discord that might make people think God isn’t able to maintain a body that functions in harmony and love, thus we choose to sacrifice presence for appearance.

I’m happy to say that, after a number of years, my wife and I found ourselves in a fellowship that has totally won our hearts with their love, openness and a tenacity to preach God’s word with integrity.

Wounds have healed and we’re healthy because there’s still work to do, a gospel to be preached and a world living in darkness. We’re still able to serve, teach, speak and lead worship from time to time by invitation simply because God has determined the calling on our lives and the body of Christ, the Church, and for that we are blessed.

I couldn’t write. I couldn’t think. I began to withdraw from relationships. The blinking cursor was symbolic of the synapses in my brain. Nothing.

As one the elders of our small church walked into my office, I looked up at him and said, “I need a boss.” I paused for a moment. “I need accountability. I need someone to guide me in what to do,” I said. “A boss?” he replied. “I’ve worked my entire life trying NOT to have a boss. Don’t worry, Matt, God’ll get us through.”

Famous last words.

In his study, The Walk of Repentance, Steve Gallagher remarks that “accountability in the Bible means much more than just telling another person how we have done with [a] particular problem. It means that we should hold our entire lives accountable to those believers we have joined ourselves with.”

Regardless of our state in vocational ministry, we should never try to get out of “having a boss.” As pastors, finding safe individuals to which we can “hold our entire lives accountable” isn’t just a good idea, it’s essential.

My problem was that I searched for it too late. Accountability should have characterized my ministry from the beginning, not have been a foxhole strategy grasped for towards the end.

Granted, a biblical view of eldership would suggest that your elders or governing leadership can hold that accountability relationship with each other. But for many, including myself, this was not the case. It may even need to be discovered outside your local body. Sometimes healing happens when, instead of holding on to the isolation that so easily works its way into ministry, we embrace community.

So I encourage you to seek, pray, and yearn for healthy individuals whom you can share your real life, your real struggles and your real fears. Blinking cursors, shuttering synapses and vacant relationships can only be conquered through the healing presence of Christ brought by opening your entire life to other healthy individuals.

Instead of being a help to me, those comments only fueled my frustration. I didn’t need someone telling me to get over my hurt. I already knew that. What I needed was patience (from a friend who cared for me) and small amounts of grace (from a God who loved me).

There is no specific timeline or method to healing and restoration. There is no one book or class that leads all people down the road to recovery. We’re all different. We’ve been hurt in different ways and our specific journey toward healing will vary immensely. For my family and I, we went through a bunch of pain. We fought bouts of depression and anger. We became frustrated in our marriage. There was an underlined irritation due to the direction our lives had gone. And it took several years for us to heal, forgive, and start growing again.

It’s essential not to force a healing process, especially on those who have gone through situations with the church that have left them beat up, angry, or bitter. Encouraging someone to “build their bridge and get over it,” can be quite unhealthy for the individual and it may even create a divide in your friendship.

Instead, our focus should be on assisting individuals back into the body of Christ and helping them find their role within the structure of the local church. Let’s be the friend that comes alongside, appreciates their pain, and steadily remind them that God heals, restores, revives, and redeems. This season might take longer than we’d like but with the right amount of patience, love, and encouragement, healing can indeed come.

So, there I was, thirty years old, just leaving an internship with a well-known, hip mega-church in St. Louis (in which I was, again, awed by the design), now given the responsibility of leading this other, very different, neighborhood church. I found myself wanting this church to be similar in design, innovative, edgy and able to reach people most churches in our conservative, suburban area were missing. But I soon realized I had a problem. Most of those in the church weren’t interested in my hip web designs, high-tech sermons, minimalist logos and innovative ministry ideas. That just wasn’t who they were. Period.

So, I responded by dictating many aspects of the church atmosphere and culture, rather than letting others contribute to the story. Dictate? Yes, dictate. I must say that it was one of the major faults of my tenure.

I’ve found that good leadership influences organizational culture but doesn’t dictate it. An influencer produces creativity alongside the people they lead. By contrast, a dictator writes the script without the people and then demands them to respond. Miles lay between being an influencer and a dictator. It’s simple. Don’t dictate. Influence!

If you’re currently a pastor (or an expastor in transition), here are a few healthy values to keep at the forefront:

• Authenticity. Be an authentic leader and let your church be an authentic church. If you have to force it to look like [insert description here], then it’s probably not [insert description here]. Those outside the church can easily identify that you’re trying to be something you’re not.
• Fruitfulness. Thankfully, God doesn’t rate our churches based on the factor of their hipness or your [insert description here], but instead on its fruitfulness.
• Presence. Be with your congregation where they are. If you can’t, it’s your problem, not theirs. God might be moving you on, not them.
• Creativity. Always try to foster creativity, don’t stifle it. Good leaders inspire creation, whereas dictators simply dictate.
• Cultural Synergy. Unless God tells you otherwise, always pastor a church you would attend even if you weren’t the pastor.

So, ask yourself, who are you in terms of your leadership? Dictator or influencer. It’s up to us to live out our legacy now.

Many pastors and leaders deal with burnout. It’s common. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, that something is wrong with you, or that you’ve heard God wrong. It usually just means that you’re doing too much.

There are some obvious signs that your workload is too heavy. Everyday becomes harder and harder. The days you have off (days which you mean to relax) keep you frustrated, constantly concerned about your ministry. You see no point in ministry anymore. You feel unappreciated. You’re constantly overwhelmed. It can feel like you’re trying to push a car uphill, by yourself.

People who are experiencing burnout often get depressed. The load of everyday tasks start to take a toll on an one’s health and it can leak into many different areas of their life. Their social life, personal life, work life, and family life can become affected and begin to create dysfunctions in each area. It can be like a virus, spreading and weaving itself into every aspect of life. It needs to be stopped before it becomes worse and causes serious, irreversible damage.

But there are ways burnout can be avoided. I suggest seeking help form others, taking some time off, and refocusing your vision. Realize that you are more important than your ministry and believe that God thinks so too. He didn’t create the world just for you to do ministry. He created it for your enjoyment. Remind yourself of the things you enjoy and start reintegrating back into your daily life.

When I sense the onset of burnout creeping towards me, I feel like running. But, the opposite is often what I need. I should stop running, sit down, read a book, and take some time in God’s presence. We should rest in God to refuel us. God created things inside of us to enjoy, things that are specific each of us. For me, reading is one of them. When I turn the corner and see burnout waiting to jump on my back and wear me down, I grab a fiction book and take time to enjoy it. I read it slowly, not making it just another task in my schedule. I say to myself, “This is for me and my enjoyment. I’m not going to let other things ruin this for me. This time is for me.”

Find those things that wind you down and refuel you. Spend time with God, spend time with yourself, and spend time with others. Remind yourself that you are important and ministry comes second.