Disillusioned & Abandoned: When Faith Takes An Unexpected Turn

Ever felt like you have been abandoned by God? I realize to most of us who have been in the trenches of everyday church life and fighting for the “faith” would probably have a difficult time admitting to this statement. When you have been the “anchor” for so many individuals and their faith and now you’re presented with a crisis of faith all your own, instead of having the answers, you’re suddenly the one with all of the questions.

This was my experience exactly. I truly believed that God would intervene in my circumstances, but I was isolated and alone and feeling abandoned by the “ONE” who knew the hairs on my head. I can’t tell you the amount of grief and pain that moment caused me and the unraveling of my faith as I knew it then.

I would like to share an excerpt for my book, Disillusioned: A Journey from Certainty to Faith, about John the Baptist and his disillusioning experience with Jesus:

Then there was the Lord’s own messenger, described in the Gospel of Luke as Jesus’s cousin: John the Baptist. His birth, like Isaac’s of the Old Testament and Jesus’ in the New, was a miraculous birth. He would be the one to prepare the way of the Lord, and in his message for all to repent and be baptized, for the kingdom of heaven was at hand, he filled that role. He amassed hordes of followers—“All of Judea, and the whole region around the Jordan were going out to him,” Matthew tells us in his third chapter. Then in Matthew 4, it was John who proclaimed Jesus as the Son of God. After John baptized Jesus in the Jordan, “The heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming upon him. And a voice came from the heavens, saying, ‘This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased.’”

One would only imagine that, as someone God used to announce his Son, as a man whose message and even how he dressed were reminiscent of the prophet Elijah, as someone working tirelessly to bring about the kingdom of heaven, John would have an inside track to God. John’s effectiveness in drawing people to repentance and reverence toward God, it always seemed to me, showed that God was backing his mission and work (and by extension, my effectiveness made me feel that God was backing mine). But then John denounced Herod, the ruler of Judea, for having an affair with his brother’s wife. As a consequence, and maybe out of fear of John’s power to influence the masses, Herod threw him in jail. To make matters worse, the daughter of Herod’s mistress exacted a promise from Herod: that he would give her whatever she wanted. She asked for John’s head.

At the time, Jesus was traveling throughout Galilee performing miracles. He healed the centurion’s servant and calmed the stormy seas. He allowed the paralytic to walk again and made the deaf hear and the blind see. From prison, John heard of these works and sent a message to Jesus: “Are you the one who is to come, or should we look for another?”

It’s a strange question for the man who baptized Jesus, and it wasn’t until I felt alone and like God was not answering my most heartfelt prayers that I began to understand this moment with John the Baptist in a new way. I began to imagine John sitting in his cell, knowing he is about to be executed. And the Messiah is traveling around working miracles for strangers and sinners, seemingly ignoring John’s plight. Instead of sending a message promising support or rescue or the working of a miracle on John’s behalf—something like, “I will save you, you can count on me”—Jesus sends a message confirming all the things he is doing for others, and something that would become a major doctrine of the Christian faith, but does nothing to keep John from dying at the hands of Herod: “The blind regain their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have the good news proclaimed to them.” And verse 6 hits the point home. “And blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”

I’m not going to do what you are hoping I will do, but don’t lose faith.

POSTED ON May 26, 2014

3 Comments

  • May 27, 2014

    Tony Bolen

    Well said Brother!

  • May 28, 2014

    Andrew

    John, the problem you had was you believed… Jesus did not. In John the Baptists death you find a truth that Jesus never existed if only you could read the narrative without judging, or judging harshly. The message of Christ is first that all human life is sacred. For this to be a truth within you, you must see your own life as not so sacred (hence Jesus death). In groups, people build church structures to exalt their group, and thus reject Christ and deny Jesus. Organizations have meetings and study groups, etc. all acting in a manner than rejects the simpliest message of Creation – for 6 days you traveled up a fallopian tube and on the 7th day you rested…. creation was a story about you, me, and every person on this planet. Remember the “Sabbath day” and keep it holy – remember the day your life began – not any particular day of the week….

    Jesus message was black and white for a reason – it could be no other way.

  • January 3, 2016

    shada

    what. about. when your. leader an church bring. such a hurt on. you that it’s seems so. unbelievable but like. aways God said the answer. to. this great hurt is to simply forgive them. an return again to.your church. because this. is where I. started the work in you.
    know

Dan Cox has been in ministry since 1970. After training in YWAM’s second School of Evangelism, he traveled to Europe, the Middle East, and Africa on missionary outreaches. Back in his hometown of Grand Junction, Colorado, he grew a church of three dozen into a mega-church of 6,500 before retiring from full time ministry. He now works as a chaplain at a hospice center in Grand Junction, a position that has allowed him to cultivate and share his new faith in a hands-on fashion. Dan enjoys riding his Harley amid the canyons of western Colorado, fishing in mountain streams, and spending time with his family, friends, and grandson, Levon.